His Calling

If a man love the labour of any trade apart from any question of

success or fame, the gods have called him.

~ Robert Louis Stevenson

My husband Ernie began working in the funeral business on January 3, 1968 when he was only 18 years old. (Little did he know that eight years later on that very same date his first child would be born.) For as long as he can remember he was interested in that line of work. He firmly believes that the interest, which became a passion, all started when he was just a child and accompanied his parents to a funeral in his small hometown of Pembroke, Virginia. That experience made a lasting impression on him, giving him the notion that he wanted to be a funeral director when he grew up. That’s all he ever wanted to do and thankfully, he accomplished his dream. How many people are fortunate enough to do that?

With high school graduation just seven months behind him, Ernie became an employee at the Joseph W. Bliley Funeral Home on 3^rd & Marshall St. in Richmond, Virginia. He was hired by Thomas J. Bliley, Jr. and worked under the direction of Les Morgan, the shift leader. In no time at all his application was approved by the state and he became an official apprentice. His salary as employee/apprentice was $65 per week before taxes.

While in Richmond he lived with a distant cousin, Nina Lipes, and her husband Lonnie and their three sons Greg, Mike, and Jimmy. $15 a week got him room and board, not to mention a loving family to watch out for him. When he first moved there their home was on Antler Rd., then about a year and a half later they moved to 6014 Mann Ave., just a couple blocks off Broad Street. Ernie claims he “bought” the house for them – he found it advertised in a newspaper, called the realtor involved and with one look, told him they would take it. True to his word, Nina and Lonnie looked over the property and as the saying goes, it was a done deal!

Two years later in February of 1970 his apprenticeship had been completed. By then his salary had increased to $90 per week and he had been accepted at the Cincinnati College of Mortuary Science, 3200 Redding Road, Cincinnati, Ohio. He bid a fond farewell to the Lipes family and Bliley’s, packed up his worldly goods, and headed north. The program of study would last one full year and he was anxious to get underway.

Once in Cincinnati, he moved into Swifton Village Apartments where he shared a one-bedroom unit with classmate Fred Blair (from Pittsylvania County, Virginia). For whatever reason, Fred didn’t last and returned home. For a few weeks Ernie lived solo, but soon another classmate moved in to take Fred’s place. That was Bill “JR” Shorts from Ravenna, Ohio. His father owned a funeral home and JR was studying to go into the business with his dad. During his year at CCMS Ernie worked part time at the National Shirt Shop, a men’s clothing store. He also participated in the various (and sundry) activities of Pi Sigma Eta, the national morticians’ fraternity.

Ernie’s school year came to a close in March of 1971. With the national boards behind him, he packed his ’67 white mustang and headed back to Virginia and Bliley’s. While back at work he anticipated taking the state board exams in Richmond, a two day affair which involved both written and oral testing. Part I covered funeral directing and Part II covered embalming. With both tests passed, he received his two licenses. As a side note, today funeral directing and embalming are covered with just one license. In April of 1971, at age 21, he was the youngest licensee in the state. With his new salary of $135 per week he got his own apartment off Chamberlain Ave. at a cost of $100 per month.

In no time at all, he received a call from fellow classmate Gary Totman who lived and worked up in Arlington, Virginia at Arlington Funeral Home. “Ernie, you interested in moving? We have a job opening up here and I thought of you.”  “Nope,” Ernie replied. “Not interested.” Gary, however, was persistent and after the fourth phone conversation relented. “Okay. I’m off tomorrow and I’ll drive up to take a look.” He had never spent any time in Northern Virginia so he was ready for a little adventure. He says he remembers driving up I-95, seeing all the buildings near Falls Church and Arlington, and thinking to himself, “Wow, this is the big city for sure!”

He stopped by Arlington Funeral home to see Gary and ended up being interviewed by the manager Mac Morris. He offered him $175 per week and Ernie took the job right on the spot. Wow! $40 more than he made at Bliley’s! As Ernie says, $120 more per month was a big deal back then. True, Ernie, true.

After giving his two week notice at Bliley’s Ernie relocated and moved in with Gary in a small basement apartment off Lee Hwy in Arlington. Needing more room, the two found a larger apartment at Ravenwood Towers off Rt. 7 in Falls Church, in the Seven Corners area. Shortly after I met him, he got his own place but still in the same neck of the woods which was convenient to work.

In 1972 the funeral home’s assistant manager, Ben Rogers, left to manage Lotz Funeral Home in Roanoke, Virginia. Ernie was promoted to co-assistant manager along with Jackie Boggs. Arlington Funeral Home did a lot of business, so it was a great place to gain experience. That served Ernie well, for in 1974 he received a call from James B. Lockwood, Jr., part owner of Colonial Funeral Home in the Seven Corners area. He and another attorney, Robert C. Watson, were looking for a new manager. A casket salesman named Bill Simpson, who Ernie knew from Cincinnati, had recommended him. Ernie was indeed interested in the $15,000 yearly salary they offered. He now had a wife and family of his own, so that was a lucrative move for him. There he stayed until 1982 when he left and returned to Arlington Funeral Home.

Once back there for a while, Mac Morris retired and Ernie was made assistant manager to work alongside the new manager, Richard Fitzgerald. Six years later another offer came knocking. He was approached by Letha Masters Crickenberger, owner of Money & King Funeral Home in Vienna, Virginia. She knew nothing about the business but nevertheless inherited it upon the death of her sister, Edith Masters King. Letha knew of Ernie because of the close association he and his family had at church with her brother and sister in law, Horace and Lois Masters. I’m sure they spoke highly of Ernie which spurred Letha’s interest in him. He was manager there for almost 18 years when he resigned in 2005.

After the long and exhausting time at Money & King, Ernie took a little time off to explore some options, and even considered buying his own business for a time. That did not work out so he began job hunting. He became an employee at Pierce Funeral Home in Manassas, Virginia where he has been until now. For a while he was assistant manager and since March of 2010 has been named manager.

Ernie has served hundreds of people over the years and has quite a faithful following in Northern Virginia that seeks him out. He often receives very kind and sincere thank you notes from people he has served. When he was at Money & King his own family teased that he was the unofficial mayor of Vienna because he knew people everywhere he went. Now that he is in Manassas the same thing is happening and it’s fun to watch. It’s good to know that Bob Pierce, the owner of the funeral home, trusts him explicitly. From where I sit, the employees respect him, his ability to run a successful business, and his personal code of ethics. I know without a doubt he is one of the most honorable men in the funeral business in Northern Virginia. When he leaves his own family vacation to return home and serve bereaved friends, you know he is dedicated. When he plans, organizes and speaks tenderly at a yearly service of remembrance for families the business has served, you know he reaches out into the community. When he agrees to preach at a funeral because a family has no one else, you know he goes the extra mile. When he gives a new employee a couple of his old suits because he has no work clothes, you know he is caring. Indeed, he comforts the sad and weary; his profession is his calling. He has chosen an occupation he would do even if he did not need the money. His family is proud of him.

the little fella that dreamed of being a funeral director

CCMS grad 1971

on the job!

with wife Bonnie

Our History with the Miss Virginia Pageant

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

~ Audrey Hepburn

When folks discover our little hobby, they often remark, “You’re involved with pageants? Really?!” Yes, really. I kid you not. Let me explain. . .

Back in the 1970’s Ernie was a member of the Arlington Jaycees, a men’s civic organization. The group wanted to do something fun for a money maker and came to the conclusion they would hold the Miss Northern Virginia Pageant in the spring of 1979. Jay Jarvis was appointed the chairman and he, in turn, asked Ernie to be the chairman of the judges’ panel. Without a moment’s hesitation he agreed and asked me if I would like to help out as well. (Smart man, that Ernie!) They invited former Miss America Kylene Barker (who had been Miss Virginia) to be the featured entertainer and emcee for their first pageant which was held in the old Fairfax High School building. Singer/dancer Diane Light of Fairfax became the first Miss Northern Virginia and we had a ball helping out.

Over the next couple of years the Jaycees concluded that their pageants cost them more money than they made and gradually lost interest in said project. In the meantime we became hooked and decided to take a stab at running the pageant ourselves. We contacted the Roanoke, Virginia office of the Miss Virginia Pageant and spoke with Executive Director Margaret Baker who granted us permission to buy the local franchise for a few hundred dollars. We then rounded up a few Jaycees who were still interested, some other friends of ours and set out on our own. That began a long relationship with the Miss Virginia Organization, one which we continue today.

For 23 years Ernie was the Executive Director of the Miss Northern Virginia Pageant and I worked to solicit contestants and procure the proper paperwork before the pageant. After that I directed back stage on pageant night, and then helped prepare the winner for the state pageant. During the last week of June each year I also accompanied our contestant to Roanoke for the state finals, acting as chaperon and traveling companion. I did this for 16 straight years and then began sharing the chaperon duties with Diane and Wendi, two other women on our committee.

All who work on Miss America preliminary pageant committees are strictly volunteers and there are no entry fees for young women who want to enter. However, it takes several thousand dollars to produce a pageant and there are costs associated with sending a local titleholder to the state pageant. As the years passed by and the economy changed, it became increasingly difficult to raise money for our pageant expenses and several of our dearest, most talented committee members moved from the area. After much careful thought and reflection, we decided to give up our franchise and end our pageant. Ernie was then asked to be a Field Director for the state organization and did just that from 2004-2008. In 2009 we were asked to be the Judges Chairmen and have enjoyed that volunteer capacity since that time.

Many outside the world of Miss America ask why we are thus involved. Our reply is that we have met many wonderful, talented young women over the years and have enjoyed watching them grow even more confident, poised, self-motivated and caring. We have made dear and lasting relationships, ones we truly cherish. Just this last week it was our privilege to see yet another Miss Virginia {our 31st} crowned on the stage at the Roanoke Civic Center. With her scholarship award of over $16,000 dollars she will now be able to pay off her college loans. How grand is that?! Now we anxiously wait to see how she will wear the crown in her own, unique way. Congrats to Elizabeth Crot, Miss Arlington.

Miss Virginia 2012, Elizabeth Crot

~photos by Anne Royster~

Flavius Wise Tavenner

~with his children Blanche, George & Edythe~

 

We cannot destroy kindred: our chains stretch a little sometimes, but they never break.

~Marquise de Sévigné

My fraternal great grandfather was named Flavius Wise Tavenner. He was born on August 1, 1859, the illegitimate son of Lucy Amanda Tavenner. My dad says it was rumored that his father’s last name was Plaster but I don’t know any details beyond that fact that he was raised by his single mother.

He was born and grew up in Unison, a tiny town just west of Leesburg, Virginia. The only details I know about him were told to me by my father, his grandson. Here are some of the things I’ve learned about him.

• He lived in Herndon, right across the street from my father when Dad was a young boy. He was a carpenter by trade and built a house with an outbuilding, then rented the house and converted the little building into a shop and home for himself. In that shop he had many hand tools and did work for local folks. He was also a wheelwright in those horse and buggy days which means he made the wooden wheel and then the blacksmith attached an iron rim.

• His house had neither running water, plumbing nor electricity. He never drove a car or used a telephone. I’m certain his schooling was minimal but he could read and write. He liked the little comic books that were popular in the 1920’s and especially loved the antics of what he called “Micey Mouse” [Mickey Mouse].

• He smoked a pipe and used Victory smoking tobacco. In his golden years he lived with his daughter, my grandmother, and used to drive her crazy when he filled his pipe then brushed excess tobacco on the floor.

• His usual attire consisted of blue denim work clothes. My dad remembers that the collars on his shirts always looked too big for his neck.

• In his later years when he lived with my grandmother and dad, he would often get up in the night and use the corner of his bedroom as a urinal. Dad is not sure if he was confused or just ornery. I’m sure my grandmother fussed at her papa over this!

• When Flave was a child he had a pet cat that he would hook up to a wee cart. One day a soldier came through town and shot that cat right off a fence post.

• He married in 1893 at the age of 34 to Virginia Lee Darnes, age 28. They had three children: George Turner, b. Jan. 25, 1895; Blanche Amanda b. May 12, 1896 (my grandmother); Edythe Mary, b. Mar. 6, 1898. His wife died suddenly on Sept. 17, 1898 when their youngest child was only 6 months old. He never remarried and I wish I knew how he cared for his children when his wife passed away, leaving him a widower at age 39.

• Grandpapa Flavius lived all his life in Loudoun, Fairfax or Arlington counties. He died on January 2, 1948 at the age of 88 while living at the home of his younger daughter Edythe Mills, located at 4415 13th St., N., Arlington, Virginia. He was buried two days later in Chestnut Grove Cemetery in Herndon, Virginia.