Boy, Was My Face Red!

Man is the only animal that blushes – or needs to.

-Mark Twain

I grew up attending Oakton Methodist Church, situated on Chain Bridge Road in the heart of Oakton, Virginia. Each Sunday during the preaching service the velvet lined brass plates were passed pew by pew to collect tithes and offerings. Some people threw in a little anonymous cash while others contributed their carefully prepared donation envelopes with a pre-determined pledged amount. My mother annually received a new box of envelopes and to this day contributes her offerings in that manner.

When there was a need to raise funds for a particular cause or project, the minister would plea for additional money from the pulpit. Perhaps there was need to refurbish some Sunday school classrooms or support a missionary in country far, far away. On one such occasion, I must have gotten annoyed at the repeated requests for money. The preacher was just doing his job the best way he knew how, but as a young teen I had heard enough. I removed one of the offering envelopes from its little holder on the back of the pew, inserted a nickel, and penciled on the front, “Here. This is all I have. Please take it.” When the plate was passed, I threw it in. As my Nanny would have said, “I had my way!”

But, no, no. That wasn’t the end of it. During the sermon the next week, the dear preacher commented to the congregation how wonderful it was that some dear soul who had but little had generously given all he or she had. Remember the story of the widow’s mite, found in the Bible in the gospel according to St. Mark? I’m sure our minister referred to that story about how the widow’s contribution of two mites was more than the rich folks who gave to the treasury in abundance, for she gave “…even all her living.”

I was mortified, prayed for death, and wished the floor beneath me would open up and let me slide in. I’m sure my face flamed bright red, like I was having a heat stroke. My little, innocent joke was taken seriously. Did I apologize? Hopefully I did, but time has dimmed that portion of the memory. To this day that embarrassing story provides my mother and me with a good chuckle, but I can feel the blush creep up my neck when I think back to that childish prank.